Veterinary's Day

Maggie makes plans to visit Kansas City...

Maggie: .... So I'll fly into Kansas City International Airport on Thursday and leave Monday. Monday is Veterinary Day so I figured you'd be able to drop me off since it's a holiday. Is that okay for you?

Bonnie: I'll check my schedule. PS.... There isn't a national holiday for veterinaries.

Maggie: Ohh. I thought it was a holiday that Monday for the war people.

Bonnie: I know.... But what you said implied that there was a holiday for animal doctors. What you meant was veterans.

Maggie: Ooooh! I thought they were called veterinarians!

Bonnie: I know. I know...

Japanese Prostitutes

Looking at Gwen Stefani's Harajuku girls line of clothing at Target....


Bonnie: Awww! Look how cute these clothes are! This one has a harajuku girl on it...

Maggie: (disgusted) What?! Why would they do that?

Bonnie: Why not? That's the name of the line.

Maggie: And that makes it okay to put a prostitute on a little girls shirt?!

Bonnie: What are you talking about? It's not a prostitute.

Maggie: Doesn't 'harajuku' mean 'prostitute'??

Bonnie: Maggie, why in the world would they name a children's line after prostitutes?

Maggie: That's what I'm saying!"

Bonnie: It doesn't mean prostitute!

Maggie: Oh.

Sex Ed

Maggie driving, both exhausted, silence...

(Bonnie yawns)

Maggie: Say something to keep me awake.

Bonnie: You say something to keep ME awake.

Maggie: But I'm driving! It should be you talking.

Bonnie: Maggie... if you're talking to me, you're gonna be awake either way.

Maggie: Oh yeah.

(Long pause)

Maggie: (excited) Guess what?! I learned what 69 means!

(Bonnie laughing so hard she makes no sound while attempting to get air....)

Maggie: (oblivious) I mean... I knew what it was, I just didn't know it was called a 69. But my friends demonstrated over dinner with spoons!

(Bonnie now falling over, face squished to window in fits of laughter)

Maggie: (still oblivious) I also learned what teabagging is!!

(Tears start rolling down Bonnie's face...)

Maggie: (continuing) That's sooo gross! Ulgh!

Bonnie: (regaining composure) So I take it you've never done that?

Maggie: No........ (pause) well..... teabagging anyway.....

The Belt Goes Moo

At work opening a large shipment of new leather belts.

Bonnie: Wow! Smell all the cow we got going on here!

Maggie: What?

Bonnie: Cow. You know... leather..... cows...

Maggie: Wait. Leather comes from COWS?!

Bonnie: Maggie.... you didn't know leather came from cows?

Maggie: No! I just thought it was a material.

Bonnie: It is a material.

Maggie: No.....like.... man made. Like cotton or silk.

Bonnie: Cotton and silk are not man made. They come from natural sources. Pleather is man made. Leather is from cows.

Maggie: No way! I didn't know that. (pause) So what comes from pigs?

Bonnie: Polyester.

Maggie: Really??

Bonnie: No.

Sound of the Wind

Driving along an open field...

Bonnie: Look at that large meadow! It makes me want to frolic in it!

Maggie: Like that movie? Gone With The Wind?

Bonnie: No, not like Gone With the Wind. It's like The Sound of Music.

Maggie: Oh yeah. Isn't it like the same thing??

Bonnie: Not at all. That's like a completely different place and era. And storyline.

Maggie: Oh. (pause) That's a really long movie.

Bonnie: Yes, it is.

Maggie: (pause) You know that Mary Poppins comes on every year on Thanksgiving.

Bonnie: What??

Maggie: Mary Poppins. It plays every Thanksgiving.

Bonnie: I heard you... but how does Mary Poppins have anything to do with the movies we were talking about?

Maggie: I was just sayin'!

(Bonnie looks strangely at Maggie)

Maggie: It's the same lady!!

Bonnie: Don't bring Julie Andrews into this...

Breast Friends

Maggie: You know... whenever I feel bad about the size of my boobs, I think of you and feel much better about myself.

Bonnie: Why, thank you. I'm glad my abnormally small chest gives you confidence.

One size fits most

Making dessert...

Maggie: I only want one scoop of icecream.

Bonnie: Only one??

Maggie: Yeah....I want to fit in a bathing suit this summer.

Bonnie: You do know they come in different sizes, right?