STD

Maggie: Hey, Bonnie.... I was so upset this morning because I dropped my bagel on the sidewalk coming up here. I didn't know if I should pick it up and eat it anyway because I didn't want to get an STD....

Me: Wait.... what??

Maggie: I didn't know if you could get an STD from the sidewalk...

Me: Maggie... you get an STD from sex! It's a sexually transmitted disease not a sidewalk transmitted disease!

Endorphins

Maggie and I shopping...

Me: Ooo! Home Goods! I love Home Goods! It's my retail therapy place.

Maggie: It is?

Me: Yeah... I release endorphins every time I'm there.

Maggie: Aren't endorphins things that make you want to have sex?

Me: No.

Maggie: What are they? Aren't clams endorphins?

Me: What? No... clams aren't endorphins. Endorphins are a chemical released that make you feel good. Sex is one of those times.

Maggie: I'm pretty sure eating clams is one of them!

Me: Clams??

Maggie: Yeah! Clams..... or slugs.... or something.

Me: Ok.... clams and slugs have nothing to do with what I'm talking about.

Maggie: Clams make you want to have sex!

Me: Wait....are you thinking about aphrodisiacs??

Maggie: Oh yeah!!

Nightime Clouds

Maggie looking at the moonlight....

Maggie: Look at all the pollution there. There must be a chemical plant around...
Bonnie: That's not pollution....it's clouds.
Maggie: Nuh uh.
Bonnie: Yes it is. That's a formation of clouds.
Maggie: I thought clouds were an illusion..... like light...
Bonnie: What? Clouds aren't an illusion. And neither is light. They both exist.
Maggie: No! I mean that I thought clouds came out only during the day.
Bonnie: No....there are clouds at night too.
Maggie: Oh! I didn't know there were daytime clouds AND nighttime clouds....
Bonnie: (laughing) Maggie....they're the same clouds. Different clouds don't come out at night.
Maggie: But they're much darker.
Bonnie: Because it's dark out!
Maggie: So clouds are transparent?
Bonnie: I can't believe we're having this conversation...
Maggie: (distracted) Look! That's where I saw the squirrel with the blue vest!
Bonnie: Oh my god....

4th of July

Maggie: I know this may sound stupid but..... July 4th celebrates the event of the Boston Tea Party, right?
Bonnie: What? No...
Maggie: Are you sure?
Bonnie: Yes.
Maggie: Then what is it?
Bonnie: It's Independence Day. It marks the birth of our nation. You know...when the Declaration of Independence was brought into effect??
Maggie: Oh. I didn't know that was Independence Day....
Bonnie: How could you not know that?!
Maggie: I'm not from this country!!!
Bonnie: You've been here for 15 years!
Maggie: Still!!

Fasionable Squirrel

Maggie: Today as I was coming here I saw the cutest thing!
Bonnie: Oh yeah?
Maggie: A squirrel ran across the street and it had a big bushy tail and it was wearing a little blue vest!
Bonnie: Wait.....What???
Maggie: A squirrel! Or at least I think it was a squirrel. It could have been a chipmunk.
Bonnie: No....squirrels have the bushy tails. But did you say a blue vest?
Maggie: Yeah! It was wearing a blue vest. It was sooo cute!
Bonnie: (laughing hysterically) You saw a squirrel run across the street wearing a blue vest?
Maggie: Yeah.
Bonnie: (unable to contain myself) Why would a squirrel be wearing a vest?
Maggie: It was a knitted one. Someone must have made it for him.
Bonnie: You think someone made a squirrel a vest...
Maggie: It must have been someone's pet or something. Imagine if it sang and wore it's little blue vest!? Awww!
Bonnie: I think you've been watching too much Alvin and the Chipmunks.
Maggie: No! I'll prove it to you! You don't believe me?!
Bonnie: I think you're crazy.
Maggie: I'll find it and take a picture of it.
Bonnie: Well, good luck with that...
Maggie: But not tonight....I'm tired. Tomorrow I will...
Bonnie: Ok.

Sky Trains

Driving past a train station....

Maggie: Does that sign stand for train?
Bonnie: Yes.
Maggie: What about subways? That's a train.
Bonnie: Yes, subways are underground trains.
Maggie: Oooh! THAT'S why they're called that!
Bonnie: Yes.
Maggie: What about the trains in the sky??
Bonnie: Monorails??
Maggie: Yeah....monorails. Where are those?
Bonnie: Various places.
Maggie: RI?
Bonnie: No..... there's no monorails in RI....

Pft

After having dinner and both feeling bloated...

Bonnie: Let's go fart outside...
Maggie: (excited) Let's DO IT!